


Denial Ain't Just a River

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 16:38:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10994805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: As part of his punishment for his crimes, Severus is ordered by the Ministry to make amends to those whom he has wronged. Remus knows what he wants, and it isn't the Wolfsbane Potion.





	Denial Ain't Just a River

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2006

It was raining on the day Severus Snape went to make amends to Remus Lupin, and Severus had to hunch over to benefit from the shelter of Bennett's umbrella, because the Ministry wouldn't let him have pointy things yet. 

Ten months and twenty-eight days. That was how long he had been working through the names on his list, visiting each person one by one, giving his little speech, and then proceeding to do whatever it was they wanted him to do in order to make amends for his past crimes. His "rehabilitation process" had been the Ministry's idea, and he suspected they had engaged a particularly devious and evil-minded Slytherin to devise a punishment that looked like mercy when it was in fact torture of the worst, most humiliating kind. 

They couldn't just chuck him back into prison after the evidence Dumbledore had left behind surfaced, brought forth during Severus' trial by Aberforth Dumbledore, who also testified on Severus' behalf. At the time, Severus considered himself lucky, since he knew he was facing execution as a traitor to the government. With the Dementors no longer trustworthy guards, Azkaban had lost a great deal of its power; the terror of being sent to Azkaban centered around the inmates - or potential inmates - knowing the slow descent into madness they would face, and that proved to be a powerful deterrent to most criminals. With that form of psychological torture lost, execution had experienced a rise in popularity in the postwar climate. 

There had been casualties during the war, lots of them, and the survivors wanted blood. With the Dark Lord dead and turned to dust thanks to the Boy Who Lived (Twice, Damn It, Severus always added in his own mind), there was no head left to see displayed on a pike, literally or figuratively. There were even rumors that the Dark Lord had managed to survive somehow and would be back, in spite of all the Horcruxes having been destroyed and in spite of the witnesses to his demise who swore he couldn't have survived the complete annihilation Potter had dealt him, neither in spirit nor corporeal form. They didn't come out and say Potter had gone berserk and unleashed the full measure of raw power and eighteen years of wrath mixed with a sense of adolescent melodrama, but Severus had been there, and he knew. 

The Dark Lord was never coming back. 

In lieu of the Dark Lord, it seemed Severus' head was an acceptable substitute, and there had been a public outcry against him - until the evidence was presented that proved he and Dumbledore had both made great sacrifices to ensure Harry God-damned Potter's success, and then the tide had turned. Severus heard later that there had been protesters outside the Ministry, calling for his release. It was gratifying and a relief, but the Ministry had been collectively Not Happy. Their convenient scapegoat was being taken away, and so they had, in the interest of appearing merciful, offered him a choice. 

They would give Severus one year to make amends to the people he had wronged. If he completed the list _and_ procured their signed agreement that he had redressed the wrongs he had done them in a satisfactory manner, then he would be a free man. 

Severus, thinking of the list of people he had wronged over the years, had asked what the other option was. 

Life in prison for casting an Unforgivable and for murder, replied the swotty official, who didn't smile maliciously when he said it, but Severus knew he wanted to. 

They assigned someone to accompany Severus on each visit and to manage the paperwork. Bennett was not a bright wizard, but he was an honest one, and Severus found his presence tolerable, especially after the visit to Potter. The Ministry had allowed Severus to compile his own list under Bennett's supervision, There were several people to whom he couldn't make amends because they were dead, and after some consultation back and forth with his superiors, Bennett had informed him that making amends to next of kin wasn't required unless Severus was personally responsible for the death in question, thus having wronged the next of kin by causing their loss. The list, Bennett said, was only meant to include those whom Severus had wronged directly. 

It was still a very long list. 

An orderly soul, Severus had arranged the list in order from "most difficult" to "least difficult". Potter had, of course, been at the top of the list. That had been the most difficult visit by far; it was his first, he was still chafing with resentment over being given a choice that wasn't really a choice, and he loathed the thought of apologizing and making amends to Potter with every cell in his body. 

He ground out his apology through clenched teeth while Potter watched and listened with bright-eyed anticipation, and then Severus made the offer to do what Potter required to make amends. 

"Anything?" There was a gleam in Potter's eyes that made Severus suspicious and wary. 

Bennett coughed. "There are restrictions, of course," he said, flipping through his folder of paperwork and peering at each page in turn until he found the one he wanted. "Ah, here it is. The petitioned may not make any request with a possible consequence of injury or death."

Potter's face crumpled with disappointment, but then he nodded resolutely. "Fine, I want him to do six months of hard labor here at Grimmauld Place." 

"I'm afraid that is out of the question," Bennett replied smoothly, and Severus glanced at him in surprise. He hadn't expected the Ministry lackey to look after his interests at all. "Mr. Snape has a specific time limit - a period of one year - to make his amends. Considering the length of his list, spending six months making amends to you is too much, and it would be unfair to the other people on the list, as well as to Mr. Snape." Bennett smiled beatifically. "We do want to give Mr. Snape every opportunity to right his wrongs in the allotted time." 

For a moment, it appeared Potter might argue, but instead, he snapped out a counter offer. "Four months." 

"One month." 

"Three months." 

"One month." Bennett coughed again and polished his spectacles with the drape of his sleeve. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, Mr. Potter, but we must give the others their fair share of time." 

"Six weeks?" 

"Done." 

Severus had spent the entire six weeks performing the most foul, loathsome, and menial tasks Potter could find or devise. By the end of his time, the old house looked far cleaner - as well it should, considering he had spent God only knew how many hours on his hands and knees, scouring out Bundimuns, clearing out infestations of Doxies, and de-Gnoming the garden in addition to routine household chores, Severus thought sourly. Potter had taken malicious glee in refusing to let Severus clean with magic; instead, he handed over a bucket filled with Muggle cleaning products and told him to go to work. The only time Severus was allowed to use magic was while battling the Bundimuns, since nothing else would get them out.

At the end of six weeks, Potter signed the form, acknowledging he was satisfied that Severus had made adequate amends, and Severus was free to move on to the next person on his list. 

In some cases, it was easier than others, not because the person he visited forgave him easily, but because he regretted having hurt them. Minerva, for example. He perched on an overstuffed, floral patterned chair in her fussy little parlor and twisted his fingers as he stared a hole in her hearth rug. 

"I am sorry," he said at last, the quiet gravity in his voice underscoring his sincerity. 

She wept silently while Severus watched, knowing he didn't deserve to look away from her tears. Bennett squirmed and turned his gaze to everything in the room but Minerva until she fished a handkerchief from her pocket, wiped her eyes and her glasses, and drew herself up with the starchy air Severus knew so well. 

"Give me the form," she snapped, extending her hand to Bennett. "I don't require further amends. This was enough." 

And so it went for ten months and twenty-eight days. Severus procured the necessary signatures, sacrificing his pride and humbling himself in the process, but he had gained a measure of satisfaction, even compassion in return. The turning point had been his visit to Longbottom. 

"Were you raised in any particular faith?" 

The question took Severus by surprise, which registered in his voice when he replied, "Catholic."

Longbottom smiled mirthlessly in response. "I won't make you promise never to teach again because it's unlikely you'll ever be allowed to return to Hogwarts anyway. Instead, I want you to perform some kind of memorial or vigil at my parents' tomb for three weeks. They weren't Catholic, but if there's something from your faith you can do, I want you to do it." 

For the first time in twenty-five years or so, Severus went to Confession, and then he went to the Longbottom mausoleum to honor Frank and Alice with candles and prayer. They had died the day after Longbottom killed Bellatrix Lestrange, as if her death had freed their spirits from their damaged bodies, or as if they had been waiting for the news all these years. 

Reciting the prayers - in Latin, because Severus was a purist as well as something of a snob - from the battered old prayer book his father had given him for his sixth birthday was familiar and comforting. The only sound was his own voice echoing off the marble walls, and the peaceful quiet of the mausoleum reminded him a little of his old home in the dungeons of Hogwarts. 

In the midst of his vigil, he performed the penance assigned to him after his Confession as well, counting off a litany of Hail Marys on his old rosary. The act was soothing in its repetitiveness, and since Bennett hadn't accompanied him, he had plenty of time alone to think. All this time, he had chafed under most of the demands made of him, not thinking of it as penance, but rather as punishment. This time, however, he felt as if he were accomplishing something, not just for Longbottom or for Frank and Alice, but for himself as well. 

He had carried the weight of his guilt and sins all these years; many of the wrongful deeds had been done in the name of a greater good, but not all of them. Some of them were the product of his own pride and anger. He could look at the list of names and recite all the grievances of each person he had checked off so far; he was aware more than he ever had been before of how much pain he had doled out and how little pleasure he had given others or himself. His life to date had been a litany of misery and pain, but with each name that was crossed off, another burden was lifted. 

By the time his weeks at the Longbottom mausoleum were up, he was ready to approach the remaining names on his list with a freer soul and a (slightly) better attitude. After all, as difficult as it had been to bear, the humiliation was better than a lifetime of rotting alone in a prison cell. He had been brought low, but at the end of this nightmare, he would be free. 

He had to admit the following months were easier once he let go of his resentment, but he still rejoiced that at long last, only one name stood between him and the freedom he craved. 

He had saved Remus Lupin for last because he thought Lupin would be the easiest person from whom he would obtain forgiveness. If Lupin could forgive Black for trying to use him as a murder weapon, then surely Lupin could forgive Severus, too. He was counting on it, in fact. He would apologize and offer to make amends, and he expected Lupin to request a guaranteed lifetime supply of the Wolfsbane Potion. Severus would agree, Lupin would sign the form, and Severus' not-quite-a-year in Hell would be over. 

Thus it was that Severus was possessed of a light spirit in spite of the rain as he crouched under Bennett's umbrella in front of Lupin's cottage on the outer skirts of Hogsmeade. He expected this meeting to take a matter of minutes, no more than half an hour at most even if Lupin offered tea, and he shifted from foot to foot impatiently as he waited for Lupin to answer their summons. The door swung open, and Lupin appeared, gazing at Severus with no trace of surprise evident in his face or eyes. 

"Hullo, Severus. It's Mr. Bennett, isn't it? A pleasure to meet you." Lupin's husky voice as soft and pleasant as always as he greeted them. "I've been expecting you. Do come in, both of you." 

Severus stepped inside while Bennett shook off his umbrella, and then Lupin led them to the parlor where a cheery fire blazed in the fireplace. Lupin's cottage was small but cozy, filled with obviously second hand furniture made of dark wood and upholstered in dark colors. Everything was tidy, however, even Lupin's small writing desk, and while all the bookshelves lining the walls were stuffed full, the books were straight and orderly. 

At Lupin's invitation, Severus and Bennett took a seat on the sofa, and Lupin paused before taking a seat himself. "May I get you anything?" he asked. "Tea, perhaps?" 

"No, thank you," Severus replied, and Bennett shook his head. 

Lupin sank into the wing back chair by the fireplace and steepled his fingers as he gazed steadily at Severus. "I don't need to ask why you're here," he said. "I've heard all about your mission of penance, so you needn't explain." 

"That will save us some time," Severus replied, gratified. He might be finished even sooner than he had thought! "Shall I begin with the apology instead, then?"

"If you like." Lupin nodded and continued watching Severus with the barest hint of a smile tugging at his lips and a gleam in his eyes that Severus couldn't interpret. It was more than a little unsettling, and Severus shifted uncomfortably before clearing his throat and beginning to speak. 

"I suppose the greatest wrong I did you was making the fact that you are a werewolf widely known. It was a vindictive act for which I apologize. I also apologize for the times you took hits meant for Potter or Black when we were in school. That time I hit you with an acne-inducing hex, for example, was aimed at Black. You just happened to step in its path. You were never directly involved in our fights, however, and I never purposefully hit you."

"I was indirectly involved," Lupin replied quietly. "My silence implied consent, and I failed to act when I should have. For that, I extend an apology to you in return." He tilted his head, studying Severus in silence for a moment. "Thank you, Severus. I believe you really meant what you said, and I appreciate it." His expression turned wryly amused. "I can't imagine saying it was easy for you. None of this has been, I'm sure." 

Severus gaped at him. Out of all the people he had visited, out of all the apologies he had offered, out of all the penance he had done, not one person had thanked him. No one had acknowledged the significance of his gesture, and certainly no one had extended any understanding, compassion or sympathy for the hardships he had suffered and the sacrifices he had made over the course of the two wars. They all seemed to feel entitled to his apology and his humiliation, and it had been something of a sobering experience for him to realize with what disdain he was universally regarded. 

"No, it has not been easy," he admitted. "But it has been oddly liberating. I have done penance, yes, but I feel as if I have gained absolution as well, if only from myself and no one else." 

He wasn't certain why he had admitted that to Lupin of all people, but he wasn't inclined to confide in Bennett, and no one else had evinced any interest in him beyond what they wanted him to do to make his amends. 

"Good. I think you deserve it," Lupin said, and Severus was awash in relief that he had been right about Lupin being the easiest person on his list. "I suppose I should tell you what I want now?"

"Yes." Severus nodded, confident that he knew what he was about to hear. 

"Very well. I want you." 

"Of course I will brew the - wait - _what_?" 

"I said I want you," Lupin repeated as calmly as if he were remarking on the weather. 

Beside Severus, Bennett frowned in visible puzzlement and began shuffling through his paperwork. "I'm sorry, Mr. Lupin, but I don't understand. Are you asking for lifetime servitude?"

"Oh, no." Lupin shook his head. "I mean I want Severus as a partner. I would say spouse, but ours would not be a legally binding union, so the term doesn't seem quite accurate. Perhaps a trial period of six months to start with? I'll sign the paperwork now, of course, since Severus only has a month remaining to complete his amends, but I believe six months ought to help us determine whether we shall suit each other in the long term or not." He smiled and shrugged. "All I desire is a chance to find out." 

"Well, there isn't anything in the agreement that prohibits it," Bennett mused. "You don't plan to abuse him, do you? I'm afraid I can't agree to anything that might prove injurious or fatal to Mr. Snape." 

"Wait just a moment!" Severus exclaimed, indignant over the pair of them discussing him like he was some virgin bride to be handed off to the highest bidder. Well, the virgin part was accurate, he thought with some chagrin, but he didn't care to admit it aloud. "What about the fact that he's _straight_? I should think that would prohibit it!" 

"I'm not straight," Lupin replied in a tone that implied he was stating something that was blatantly obvious to everyone else but Severus. 

"You are! You were involved with Tonks!" 

"I was, yes," Lupin agreed, smiling again. "But the generation gap was too great, and we drove each other batty. It was an amicable breakup." That gleam was back in his eyes, and Severus forced himself not to look away. "Besides, I find I have a stronger preference for men than for women. Do you have any other objections?"

"Yes." Severus drew himself up proudly. " _I_ am straight." 

Lupin and Bennett both shot him identical incredulous looks. 

"I fail to understand why that seems to be such a shock," he said coldly, folding his arms across his chest.

"Well, Severus, you _are_ rather a drama queen," Lupin said. "Even if you weren't prone to diva fits, you still set off my gay-dar." 

"Your what-dar?"

"Gay-dar. It's a Muggle term referring to someone's ability to pick up vibes of homosexuality from another person. Your vibes have always been off the charts, frankly." 

"I am _not_ gay," Severus retorted. "I like breasts." He paused, and then he mimed with both hands in front of his chest. "Big ones." 

Lupin gave him a look of pure disbelief. "Severus, have you ever been with a woman?" 

A rush of heat flooded Severus' face, but he refused to back down. "No, not as such." 

"Have you ever even kissed a woman?" 

"No..." 

"What about a man?"

"No!" 

"Have you ever wanted to?"

"...no?" Severus' voice sounded small, even to his own ears. 

"So you're a virgin who thinks he's straight," Lupin said, his tone laced with amusement, which irritated Severus even more. 

"I do not just think I'm straight, Lupin!" 

But Lupin held up one hand to forestall any further ranting, and he turned his attention to Bennett. "Would you excuse us for - say - an hour or so?" he asked politely. "There's a pub on High Street called the Three Broomsticks, and Rosmerta makes an excellent rabbit stew, perfect on days like today." 

"This is most unorthodox," Bennett murmured, taking refuge in flipping through his paperwork again. 

"I know, but this is an unorthodox situation." Lupin smiled reassuringly. "I have no desire to harm Severus. I do think, however, that we should handle these particular negotiations ourselves since they touch on rather private matters." 

"I'm quite in agreement," Bennett replied, a blush staining his round cheeks as he gathered up his paperwork and rose to his feet. "An hour, you said?"

"That should do nicely." Lupin stood and showed Bennett out, leaving Severus to sit there alone and wonder when exactly he had fallen down the rabbit hole. 

"I thought you would ask me to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for you," he said plaintively when Lupin reentered the room, and Lupin smiled that infuriating calm smile. 

"I don't need it," Lupin replied. "Hermione brews it for me now. I'm surprised she didn't mention it when you visited her. Originally, I moved to Hogsmeade because Minerva offered me use of the Shrieking Shack again, but then Hermione accepted the position of Potions Mistress and volunteered to brew the Wolfsbane Potion, so I don't need to use the Shack after all. But I like it here, and it's convenient for Hermione to bring the potion." 

"Oh." As a response, it lacked something, but it was all Severus could come up with now that his expectations had been thoroughly dashed. "Then... why this? Why me? I'm not-"

"Gay? That is the point I intend to disprove over the next hour." 

"I was going to say attractive." 

Lupin's expression shifted from amused to sympathetic, and Severus scowled and looked away; he would far rather see laughter at his expense than pity. 

"I disagree," Lupin said quietly, moving to stand in front of Severus. "I happen to like skinny men and big noses, and I even like your waspish tongue. You're a challenge, and I think we would complement each other quite well." He extended his hand, and Severus eyed it as he might a snake about to strike. "Come with me, Severus. I think it's time we disabused you of the notion that you are in any way heterosexual." 

"And if you don't?" Severus lifted his chin haughtily. "What if you are wrong about me and my preferences?"

"Then I will apologize and sign the form without asking for any amends on your part. Fair enough?"

Severus considered this for a moment and then he nodded tersely. "Fair enough." 

He slid his fingers into Lupin's palm as he stood, and he had to admit the contact felt... nice. Lupin's hand was warm and strong, and his grasp was secure as he led Severus upstairs to the bedroom. It was almost enough to make Severus forget a band of Cornish pixies had started up a merry game of Quidditch in his stomach - almost, but not quite. 

As soon as Remus shut the bedroom door behind them, Severus had to quell an overwhelming urge to flee. He had no experience with sex with men or women; his knowledge was purely theoretical, and he assumed he was straight, because most people were, but the truth was, he hadn't paid enough attention to anyone else to tell. When he was an adolescent, he scorned his classmates, determined to prove himself better than they were by refusing to acknowledge the base urges of his hormones - and refusing to admit he did so because he was afraid no one would ever be interested in him. When he was older, he was too busy with other matters to concern himself with sex or love. Besides, in his precarious position, anyone intimately associated with him would be in danger as well, thus it didn't seem prudent, and his needs continued to be sublimated. 

But it seemed his long-repressed libido had somehow realized it was finally going to be given some attention, and it reared its head and regarded Lupin with considerable interest. 

Lupin, who was smiling again, framed Severus' face between his hands. "Let's start with a simple kiss, shall we?" he murmured, the quiet tone of his husky voice soothing Severus' jangled nerves somewhat. "Keep your lips relaxed, and remember to breathe." 

Severus barely had time to wonder if it was really that simple before Lupin was kissing him, all soft lips and warm breath, and Severus discovered that he rather liked the gentle press and retreat of the kissing game. At Lupin's silent urging, he parted his lips, and suddenly Lupin's tongue was slipping between them, and Severus froze, uncertain what to do with this invasion. But Lupin was stroking his cheeks gently and uttering quiet little moans as if he was quite enjoying it, and Severus began to relax. At length, he made a tentative foray into reciprocating, sliding his tongue along Lupin's, and that earned him a louder moan, which Severus took as a sign of approval. 

Kissing, he decided, was wet and messy and undignified, but he liked it. 

One kiss melted into another, and Severus let himself be carried along, growing bolder as his hunger grew until they were devouring each other's mouths with equal hunger. When they broke apart at last, they were both panting, and Lupin's lips were wet and rosy. 

"Still think you're straight?" Lupin asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. 

"It could be a product of long-dormant needs," Severus replied with a haughty sniff. 

"True." Lupin inclined his head in acknowledgment. "I suppose we'll have to try something else." 

With that, he began to undress, and Severus' eyes grew wide, and his mouth went dry as he watched Lupin bare himself. Although Lupin's body still showed the effects of years of poverty, Severus could see that Lupin's build was stockier than his own; Lupin was broader in the shoulders and chest, and his torso was covered with a generous amount of crisp, curling hair while Severus had a sparse patch between his nipples and a thin trail beneath his navel and nothing more. There were scars on Lupin's body as well, but Severus scarcely noticed; they didn't detract from Lupin's masculine appeal as far as Severus was concerned. 

"Alas, no breasts," Lupin said in a mournful tone. "I hope that won't be counted against me." 

Severus, who was preoccupied by a desire to run his fingers through the hair on Lupin's chest and stomach, blinked, and then he shook his head. 

"No?" Lupin cocked his head, regarding Severus with amusement. "Do you like what you see, then?" 

Giving up the fight with his insistent libido, Severus stretched out his hand and rested his fingertips on Lupin's breast bone and stroked the coarse hair lightly. Lupin sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes darkening, and Severus felt a surge of smug satisfaction at Lupin's reaction to his touch. 

"It isn't so bad," he said, and Lupin chuckled. 

"Well, you can reserve judgment until you've seen the rest," Lupin replied. 

Severus let his hand fall to his side again while Lupin stripped off his shoes and socks and then removed the rest of his clothes, underpants and all. He stood unabashedly naked in front of Severus, his cock stirring, and Severus stared while a long-dormant volcano deep inside him erupted, sending molten heat to flood his entire body and setting aflame bits he hadn't been aware of in years. 

He was not straight. If he was straight, the sight of Lupin's cock wouldn't have made him ache with the need to touch and taste it. He wouldn't have found Lupin's sturdy, stocky body the most wildly arousing thing he had ever seen in his life. He wouldn't have wanted to tear off his clothes and demand that Lupin fuck him senseless right then and there. 

But he did, and it was terrifying, but he couldn't deny it, not even to himself. 

"I want you, Severus." Lupin's voice was a throaty murmur as he moved closer and reached out to stroke Severus' cheek again. "But I won't force you if this really isn't what you want. Do you want me to get dressed?"

Severus shook his head. He no longer cared about lists or amends or prison, not when he was consumed by a deep, desperate ache that only Lupin's touch could soothe. Lupin's eyes were filled with warm pleasure as he looked at Severus, and Severus scowled and glanced away, unaccustomed to seeing anyone look at him like that. But Lupin hooked his fingers beneath Severus' chin and brought him back for another kiss, a lighter one this time, filled with more affection than passion. 

And then Lupin began unbuttoning Severus' robes, and he leaned forward to nuzzle kisses along Severus' throat when he had unfastened enough buttons to bare it. Severus tilted his head to one side to offer better access; the brush of Lupin's lips and the nip of Lupin's teeth sending pleasurable little shudders down his spine. 

When Lupin pushed his robes down and off his arms and the fabric pooled at his feet, leaving him bare except for his underpants, he forced himself not to lift his arms to shield himself. He could feel heat rising in his face, and he focused on taking off his shoes and socks to avoid Lupin's gaze, not wanting to see the desire fade in his eyes. But when he dared to stand up straight and peek at Lupin again, he found Lupin watching him eagerly; Lupin was licking his lips as his gaze roamed Severus' body, and far from feeling inadequate, Severus felt rather like a feast placed in front of a starving man, one that was about to be thoroughly devoured. 

He decided he liked that feeling. 

"Take off your underpants," Lupin ordered, a growl underlying his voice that made Severus shiver again, "and get on the bed." 

Severus hastened to comply; not only did the growling undercurrent compel him, but so did his own rising lust. Whatever Lupin had planned, Severus would go along with it, and when he stripped off his underpants, his cock bobbed free, hard and leaking. He expected Lupin to make some kind of comment about it as he climbed onto the bed, and he waited for the inevitable remark about how Lupin had been right about his sexual preferences all along. But Lupin didn't stop to gloat; Lupin seemed to be preoccupied with other matters at present, such as stalking toward the bed with a look of predatory hunger, and Severus watched him, wide-eyed, as he approached. 

As much as it galled him to acknowledge, even just to himself, Severus didn't know what to expect, much less what to do, but fortunately, Lupin appeared willing to take the lead. Lupin paused beside the bed and retrieved a small bottle of oil from the bedside table, and then he climbed onto the bed and nudged Severus' thigh, prompting him to spread his legs wider. Severus did, his breathing accelerating as Lupin knelt between them. Was Lupin simply going to fuck him and have done with it? 

But then Lupin glanced at Severus, a mischievous smile wreathing his lips - and then he swooped down to capture Severus' nipple between his teeth, tugging it and teasing it and making Severus arch off the bed at the onslaught of unexpected pleasure. Lupin's hands roamed Severus' body, caressing every plane and angle as if Lupin were trying to memorize him through touch alone, and Severus couldn't hold back a low moan. Never had anyone touched him like that before, and his touch-starved skin blazed to life beneath Lupin's hands. 

Lupin trailed kisses across Severus' chest to his other nipple, licking and biting and teasing it just as he had the first, and then he began making his way down, lapping at Severus' skin, covering it with kisses, and leaving marks in his wake with random love-bites. Severus bit his knuckle and squirmed, trying to keep hold of his rational mind under the onslaught of Lupin's hands and mouth, but then Lupin sat up and reached for the oil, and Severus watched, his breath caught in his throat. 

"This is meant to make you feel good and to help you relax," Lupin said as he coated his first two fingers with a generous amount of oil. "If it hurts, you must tell me, all right?" 

Severus nodded warily, and Lupin bent over to press a lingering kiss to his lips, nipping at his bottom lip before pulling back. 

"If you don't like what I'm doing, tell me, and I will stop," Lupin said, and Severus nodded again, relaxing a little at the reassurance. He still had control over the situation, and that helped. 

But all thoughts of control fled as soon as Lupin settled between his legs and licked the length of his cock as if it was the best sweet Honeyduke's had to offer. Severus' eyes flew open wide, and he gasped when Lupin swirled his tongue around the head before drawing it into his mouth and _sucking_. It was like nothing Severus had ever felt before in his life - it was taking House points and Slytherin winning the House Cup and being right about everything all at once - it was _better_ than all of that, which Severus didn't believe possible, but it was. 

Arousal coiled tighter and tighter in his belly, ready to snap as Lupin continued driving him mad with only lips and tongue - and then he felt Lupin's slick finger massaging his entrance, and he moaned, letting his legs fall open wider. The sweet stimulation of that tight pucker did more than relax him; it made him hungry and desperate for more, and when Lupin stopped circling and teasing and eased his finger inside Severus at long last and pressed against _something_ in there that set off Severus' internal volcano again, Severus couldn't hold back. Between Lupin's hot, sucking mouth and Lupin's finger stroking the whatever-it-was that was making Severus whimper and melt, Severus was lost. His back arched, and he let out a strangled cry as he came, giving himself over to the exquisite pleasure Lupin wrung from his long-deprived body. 

Collapsing in the aftermath, Severus lay limp and panting, drenched in sweat but far more sated and relaxed than he could remember being ever before. Licking his lips, Lupin crawled back up Severus' body and stretched out atop him, aligning their hips and pressing against him in a way that made Severus hiss with pleasure even though he was utterly spent. 

"Well?" Lupin raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Well what?" Severus raised an eyebrow right back. 

"Well, do you still think you're straight?" 

Severus pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head. "I could argue that after years of sexual repression, I would respond that way to anyone, but I won't." 

"You weren't thinking about breasts, big or otherwise, I take it." To his credit, there was no trace of a smirk in Lupin's voice or expression. 

"Not in the least." 

"Well, then." Lupin smiled and nipped at Severus' bottom lip again. "I suppose that means you won't object when I say I want to shag you now." 

Instead of answering aloud, Severus slid his hands along the length of Lupin's back, caressing the damp skin, and let them come to rest on Lupin's arse, squeezing and pushing, and Lupin's eyes darkened as he gazed down at Severus. Severus noted with satisfaction that Lupin's breath had grown ragged, and Lupin was quick to reach for the oil again, hefting himself up enough to coat his cock this time. Anticipation mingled with apprehension bloomed in the pit of Severus' stomach; he knew taking Lupin's cock would be far different from taking his finger, but he wanted it. 

And it _was_ different, so thick and hard, and he tried to relax and push to ease the way, and Lupin filled him slowly, giving him time to adjust to the strange invasion, and it was _good_ , so good to feel Lupin on him and in him. 

"All right?" Lupin's voice was a ragged whisper as he braced himself over Severus, gazing down at him with concern. Severus nodded, and he wrapped his long legs around Lupin's waist as Lupin began to move, pulling back and thrusting deep again and again. 

A moan rose in Severus' throat, and Lupin captured Severus' mouth and swallowed the sound, claiming Severus' mouth as he had claimed Severus' body. Mouthing kisses along Severus' jaw down to his throat, Lupin growled and fastened his teeth on the curve of Severus' neck, and Severus cried out at the pleasure-pain, clenching his fingers on Lupin's sweat-damp back. Lupin sucked and bit, and Severus' moans grew louder.

Caught up in the rhythmic slap of flesh and the steady pounding of Lupin's hips, Severus yielded, willing to let Lupin take whatever he wanted, and he echoed Lupin's cry when he felt Lupin's body tighten, and then Lupin surged deep and came, and Severus was almost disappointed to be separated again. 

Rolling away from Severus, Lupin groped for his wand and muttered a cleaning spell, and then he tossed his wand aside and collapsed beside Severus, flinging one arm across Severus' stomach. "Six months, Severus," Lupin murmured against the curve of his shoulder. "That's all I ask. If we aren't compatible outside of bed, then we'll part ways, and you will be free. Either way, it's a win-win situation for you," he pointed out. "Either you get sex on a regular basis and a long term partner, or you get sex on a regular basis for six months, and you can go your merry way well-sated." 

"True." Severus rested his hand on Lupin's arm and stroked the soft, dark hair on it gently. He had never thought about having a relationship before, mainly because he had never thought it was an option available to him. Now that it was, he thought he might like having something close to a normal life after decades of being alone and living on the fringes of normality. Not that the relationship of a werewolf and an ex-spy could be remotely normal, of course, but Severus didn't mind that. 

"I accept," he said, and he felt Lupin's mouth curve in a smile against his shoulder. 

"I'll sign the paperwork as soon as Mr. Bennett returns." Lupin lifted up a little and glanced across the room at a clock on the dresser. "Speaking of, should we make ourselves presentable so we don't shock the poor fellow?"

"Perhaps," Severus agreed, although reluctantly; he wasn't eager to leave the comforting warmth of Lupin's bed - or Lupin's arms. "He has been far more decent about this whole thing than I expected a Ministry worker to be." 

"Not just yet, though." Lupin settled down again and nestled closer to Severus. "We still have a little time left." 

Severus closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against the top of Lupin's head, pillowed against soft curls; he wasn't about to protest anything that delayed moving for a while longer. 

He had done his penance and made his amends, and his conscience felt far lighter and cleaner than it had in years. In that, at least, the Ministry had done him a favor. After everything he had sacrificed and lost, after everything he had done for Dumbledore, Potter, and the rest, after ten months and twenty-eight days of paying the price for his sins, perhaps it was all right for Severus to have a little happiness of his own at last.


End file.
